Putting Things in Perspective

First, a confession: I blew it yesterday. I did not get as much exercise as I needed to hit my goal, and I went over my calories by a good clip. Last night was the dreaded family night, and I'm ashamed to say that dinner, when I entered it into the tracker this morning, was just over 1200 calories. Yep...I had enough calories in one meal to get a person through an entire day. I koew going in that Thursdays are going to be bad, so I usually "budget" my daily calories for them, but I was hungry all day yesterday! I ate healthy, satisfying food at breakfast, lunch, and two snack times. Which meant that, where I normally have a "calorie bomb" for dinner on Thurs. and stay in my ranges, I was nowhere close yesterday.

In the past, that would have completely and totally derailed me. In fact, had it happened just a week or two ago, It would have sent me back to my old ways for at least three or four days (and quite possibly longer).

But, again, things are DIFFERENT this time. So, when I started bemoaning the fact that I was behind on my exercise, and had blown my diet, and was never going to be skinny now, and woe was me, the first thought that crossed my mind was "you are not behind."

I wanted desperately for that to be true, so I took a minute to really *think* about the situation, and to evaluate where I was at. I knew I was starting to slip off track, and I desperately wanted to hang on, so I went back to my trackers and looked at the week as a whole.

That one, simple action really put things in perspective for me. First, I subtracted the minutes/calories burned of exercise I'd done this week from my weekly totals. Then I divided the numbers by 2, since it's Friday, to get a picture of how much work I needed to do today and tomorrow. To my pleasant surprise, I only have to add 10 minutes and 150 calories burned to each day in order to make up for what I missed. I've been in the habit of taking the weekend off from my workouts, but with work back in session, Saturday workouts make sense, anyway.

That gave me a much needed boost, but I was still lamenting yesterday's dinner. To fix it, I started by looking at what exactly I had eaten vs. what was available, and the ways in which I'd made good (if not perfect) choices. I had a homemade burger, baked beans, chocolate lava cake, and ice cream. There were also chips and potato salad available, but I passed that up. I could have eaten the burger without cheese, or forgone dessert, but I *love* cheese, chocolate, and ice cream, and I cannot imagine leading any "lifestyle" that doesn't include them in moderation. I ate ONE burger, a single serving of beans, and half the amount of dessert I would have taken just three weeks ago. So, all in all, I made good choices.

To prove to myself that I didn't blow everything to pieces from one day of high calorie foods, I multiplied the top of my calorie range by 7 and then subtracted my end totals for sun-thurs. The amount of calories left for the remaining two days was ABOVE those ranges, which means that, just like with the exercise, I'm not behind at all.

Back to School

Friday was the first day of school in our area, so I was up bright and early. I've been hanging out with and helping mom as her students settle into the new routine. Mommy's Time Out will start back next week, but for now I'm at RCA the entire day.

At first, that was a really GOOD thing for my exercise...mom and I walk laps in the gym and run a few bleachers while her class is having PE, and it's been really fun to spend that time together. But between a PE time fire drill Tuesday and pictures in the gym on Wednesday, my workouts have stalled and I'm not burning the calories I need to. I was hoping that being back at work would at least add in more steps, but when I "borrowed" my husband's pokewalker (don't judge!) to count my steps, I found that I was getting less than half the 10k we all supposedly need. I know that number will pick up once I start back at MTO, but it's still pretty discouraging.

Add to that the amount of processed junk I've been eating out of convenience, and I've felt really BLAH all week. I've mostly stayed within my ranges, but I can really, REALLY tell a difference in my mood and the way I feel about my body now vs. when I was eating healthier, unprocessed foods.

The scale is moving blessedly forward; Wed. was the last weigh-in for the 30-in-30 challenge, and I was down 4.6 lb from last Monday. That said, my measurements haven't changed, and I'm feeling this lack of structured exercise! I like walking with mom, but I NEED my belly dancing to keep trimming those inches away.

So, the plan was to hit the grocery store tonight for some good-for-me treats, and to add the belly dance back in. I'm brainstorming ways to get those 10k steps, too...maybe a few laps around the school in the morning, before the rest of the teachers get here? hm...things to think about!

Making Changes

Yesterday was yet another weigh-in, and boy was I pleasantly surprised! Last week didn't go so well...I pretty much got zero exercise, and I didn't log anything in my Sparkpeople nutrition tracker. There were times, throughout the week, when I over-indulged. I was too busy trying to keep my head above water to concern myself with what went into my body or how much I moved it...so I was dreading Monday morning with a passion.

Imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scales for the first time in a week to discover a gain of not 10 pounds, like I was expecting, but .2. As in 2/10ths of a pound.

True, it was a gain...but it was also a revelation. While I "let myself go" this week, the habits I'd been struggling to build the previous two held firm. My body had adjusted itself to my new ways of eating and moving, so, when left to my own devices, I didn't completely default back to my old ways. This "lifestyle change" I've embarked on is just that...a change.

With a new month and a new week greeting me at the dawning of that happy thought, I had all the motivation I needed to jump back in and do this thing.

As part of this new month, I'm relying more on my Sparkteams to keep me motivated. When 30 minutes of Belly Dancing didn't burn enough calories to meet my daily quota, I turned to the Wii Fit Challenge group for this week's list of games to play. When I needed direction for my day, I used the Spark Power group's August POWER challenge to plot out what I'd do and when. This month's POWER challenge is Pushups, Outdoors, Water, Exercise, and Reading/Reflecting on a health article. That little list was easily broken down into baby steps that gave me a big sense of accomplishment as I checked each one off.

The 30 in 30 challenge will be winding to a close soon, so I joined the 20-somethings with 50-99 Pounds to Lose "Back to School Challenge" for more motivation. We've been divided into teams (Go Crayons!!!!!!) and will compete both in overall weight-loss and weekly team challenges. The social aspect of all of these challenges (both on Sparkpeople and off) is a really important component that I've been missing out on in my previous attempts. When I'm having a rotten day, my Sparkteams are there to remind me that I CAN do this...and with them, I certainly can!

In the midst of all this wonderful success, I almost missed a really, really important change. It came quietly, with a brief moment of struggle and then a decision that I almost wrote off as insignificant. But in reality, it was a huge accomplishment that needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.

To get it, you have to understand that I have what I call "Clean Plate Syndrome." Even the thought of leaving food on my plate dumps heaps of guilt on my head...I just *can't* do it. CPS is, understandably, a big stumbling block with the whole weight loss thing, so I've been countering it by carefully portioning out what goes on my plate.

I'd had a tiny breakfast today, so I "indulged" in some pizza rolls and baby carrots for lunch. Pre-30-in-30 I would have dumped half a bag of rolls on a plate and called that a meal. Today, I counted out 12 rolls (400 calories) and 10 carrots. 2 1/2 minutes later, I was enjoying the gooey, cheesy goodness. I've been making a conscious effort to slow my eating down, so at first I really focused on enjoying every bite. 9 rolls and 7 carrots later, something really odd happened.

I went to pick up another pizza roll, and hesitated. It wasn't a conscious decision...I'd kind of checked out, and it took me a second to realize I was sitting there with a pizza roll half-way to my mouth, doing nothing. Two thoughts hit me at once: "I'm not really enjoying these as much as I did the first few," and "I'm not hungry anymore."

Those thoughts weren't new ones; I've had them before. But, unless I'm about to puke from stuffing myself, CPS kicks in and I start thinking of all the reasons it's horrible to waste food. I wasn't stuffed...I wasn't even "full" as I would normally describe it. I was simply not hungry anymore, and the cheesy goodness just wasn't as good as it started out. I struggled with it for a minute...I had the calories to spend and money's tight, so I really couldn't afford to waste food. But before I could take another bite, my Bertha-killing side took over and I found myself heading out the front door to make Thom-Cat really, really happy. Back inside, the carrots (because what cat eats carrots?) hit the garbage can and my plate was washed and in the drying rack before I think I even realized what I'd done. It wasn't until later, when I sat down to blog, that it really hit me; I'm changing. Bertha's grip on me really is loosening every day, and the "new" me is becoming easier and easier to spot behind those old, bad habits.