Making Changes

Yesterday was yet another weigh-in, and boy was I pleasantly surprised! Last week didn't go so well...I pretty much got zero exercise, and I didn't log anything in my Sparkpeople nutrition tracker. There were times, throughout the week, when I over-indulged. I was too busy trying to keep my head above water to concern myself with what went into my body or how much I moved it...so I was dreading Monday morning with a passion.

Imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scales for the first time in a week to discover a gain of not 10 pounds, like I was expecting, but .2. As in 2/10ths of a pound.

True, it was a gain...but it was also a revelation. While I "let myself go" this week, the habits I'd been struggling to build the previous two held firm. My body had adjusted itself to my new ways of eating and moving, so, when left to my own devices, I didn't completely default back to my old ways. This "lifestyle change" I've embarked on is just that...a change.

With a new month and a new week greeting me at the dawning of that happy thought, I had all the motivation I needed to jump back in and do this thing.

As part of this new month, I'm relying more on my Sparkteams to keep me motivated. When 30 minutes of Belly Dancing didn't burn enough calories to meet my daily quota, I turned to the Wii Fit Challenge group for this week's list of games to play. When I needed direction for my day, I used the Spark Power group's August POWER challenge to plot out what I'd do and when. This month's POWER challenge is Pushups, Outdoors, Water, Exercise, and Reading/Reflecting on a health article. That little list was easily broken down into baby steps that gave me a big sense of accomplishment as I checked each one off.

The 30 in 30 challenge will be winding to a close soon, so I joined the 20-somethings with 50-99 Pounds to Lose "Back to School Challenge" for more motivation. We've been divided into teams (Go Crayons!!!!!!) and will compete both in overall weight-loss and weekly team challenges. The social aspect of all of these challenges (both on Sparkpeople and off) is a really important component that I've been missing out on in my previous attempts. When I'm having a rotten day, my Sparkteams are there to remind me that I CAN do this...and with them, I certainly can!

In the midst of all this wonderful success, I almost missed a really, really important change. It came quietly, with a brief moment of struggle and then a decision that I almost wrote off as insignificant. But in reality, it was a huge accomplishment that needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.

To get it, you have to understand that I have what I call "Clean Plate Syndrome." Even the thought of leaving food on my plate dumps heaps of guilt on my head...I just *can't* do it. CPS is, understandably, a big stumbling block with the whole weight loss thing, so I've been countering it by carefully portioning out what goes on my plate.

I'd had a tiny breakfast today, so I "indulged" in some pizza rolls and baby carrots for lunch. Pre-30-in-30 I would have dumped half a bag of rolls on a plate and called that a meal. Today, I counted out 12 rolls (400 calories) and 10 carrots. 2 1/2 minutes later, I was enjoying the gooey, cheesy goodness. I've been making a conscious effort to slow my eating down, so at first I really focused on enjoying every bite. 9 rolls and 7 carrots later, something really odd happened.

I went to pick up another pizza roll, and hesitated. It wasn't a conscious decision...I'd kind of checked out, and it took me a second to realize I was sitting there with a pizza roll half-way to my mouth, doing nothing. Two thoughts hit me at once: "I'm not really enjoying these as much as I did the first few," and "I'm not hungry anymore."

Those thoughts weren't new ones; I've had them before. But, unless I'm about to puke from stuffing myself, CPS kicks in and I start thinking of all the reasons it's horrible to waste food. I wasn't stuffed...I wasn't even "full" as I would normally describe it. I was simply not hungry anymore, and the cheesy goodness just wasn't as good as it started out. I struggled with it for a minute...I had the calories to spend and money's tight, so I really couldn't afford to waste food. But before I could take another bite, my Bertha-killing side took over and I found myself heading out the front door to make Thom-Cat really, really happy. Back inside, the carrots (because what cat eats carrots?) hit the garbage can and my plate was washed and in the drying rack before I think I even realized what I'd done. It wasn't until later, when I sat down to blog, that it really hit me; I'm changing. Bertha's grip on me really is loosening every day, and the "new" me is becoming easier and easier to spot behind those old, bad habits.